


The Laws of Motion

by sniperct



Series: The Laws of Motion [2]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depression, F/F, Ice Dancing, Ice Skating, Injury Recovery, Olympics, Physical Therapy, also guest starring a few cameos, figure skating, pairs skating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:34:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25718158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sniperct/pseuds/sniperct
Summary: When disaster strikes during her Olympic long program, Elsa finds her hopes and dreams shattered.  Recovery is a long and frustrating road, but Honeymaren and Anna are determined to make sure she doesn't have to go through it alone.
Relationships: Anna/Kristoff (Disney), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Series: The Laws of Motion [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619041
Comments: 106
Kudos: 142





	1. Spinning Out

**Author's Note:**

> Been poking away at this once since I finished Falling For You.
> 
> I apologize for nothing.

**PART I**  
_On the ice, you can experience Newton’s laws of motion in their purest, most elegant form_ ~~ Michio Kaku

This was it; Elsa watched the woman on the ice but her mind was miles away as she thought about her program. It was a good program, but was it _good enough_? The Olympics were a different beast than the World Championships. The audience was bigger, in many ways the medals meant more, they had more weight to them. She’d always been told that they were _everything_.

Her short program had been good, earning her a solid second place just behind the woman she was watching now and by only a fraction of a point. She just needed to do better, do her best, _be_ the best because it could come down to that fraction of a point.

And if she failed tonight, none of her work before would matter. At least, she was sure everyone would be talking about how she’d blown it and not about how she’d earned a silver. And a silver wasn’t bad, something to be happy with and proud of.

But it was still a _silver_.

Her coach leaned in, too close, startling her out of her thoughts. He was always too close to her and she tried to ignore the discomfort. "I think you need to take the risk tonight.”

She frowned, scooching back from him. "Hans, I _don’t_ think I can land that."

"You can and you will," he said, grabbing her shoulders and squeezing. She brushed his hands off.

"No one has _ever_ landed a quadruple _axel_ in competition.” Anxiety flaring. Elsa lifted her eyes and searched the audience for her sister and her girlfriend. They were there somewhere, but she needed to know, needed to see them. 

"She'll get the gold. Her program is _perfect_. You have to be _more_ than perfect."

_Yeah_ , Elsa thought. _it wasn't like you've been trying to give her advice behind my back while giving her something else._

But that was an unkind thought at best, so she replied, “And how many times did I fall in practice trying to land that stupid move? My _bruises_ have bruises. My girlfriend keeps joking I look like I’ve been practicing hockey instead."

"But you _landed_ it nearly as many times as you didn’t. It’s a risk, Elsa. But sometimes you have to take those risks.” He held his hands up, “Fine, don’t do the quad, earn yourself a silver and hope you’ll have another chance in four years for the Olympic gold. Or you could put it all on the line, land the quad, and go home with not just a gold but set a new standard for competition/"

Elsa frowned. She loathed when he got like this, "So go big or go home?"

He grinned, "Exactly."

She shook her head. “No. It’s too dangerous. What if I tried a quad lutz and then combined that into the triple axel at the end?”

Hans tapped his chin, thinking about that for a moment. “11.5 base combined with an 8 base..."

"It's one 1 point less than the quad axel," Elsa pointed out. "And I wouldn't be able to get in another jump at all after that, so I’d come out ahead on this. It would be a _lot_ more impressive to see, too."

“Quad lutz then,” Hans decided, then knelt down to check her skates for the umpteenth time, Esa nodded and started to psyche herself up, "Okay. I've got this. I've _got this."_

Landing that lutz would be the highlight of the night, and _that_ would be talked about even if she didn’t come in first. 

But if she landed that lutz and didn’t mess anything else up she’d _win_. 

As Elsa skated out onto the ice she focused herself and finally spotted her family in the audience. Anna and Kristoff sat together waving a little flag, and next to Kristoff she could see Honeymaren, her face lit up with excitement. Even her and Anna’s adoptive father Logan, was present, a short, gruff man that had instilled Elsa with a certain level of stubborness. And that stubbornness would get her through tonight. 

Yeah, she had this. Elsa was going to put on the best program she could, and make them all proud. 

She positioned herself, waiting for the musical queue, readying herself for the next four minutes of her life that were maybe the most _important_ four minutes of her life. 

Judges tended to weigh more heavily on the technical aspects of any program. Jumps and spins and the other complicated moves that were almost second nature to her. But Elsa had always preferred the artistry, to move like the wind or flowing water. But she needed points to win, and judging by the score on the board she was going to need every fraction of a point she could squeeze out of her program. 

There were a few places early on in her program where she could substitute an extra jump or two, so she did, landing both with elegant grace and smoothly transitioning into the next segment of her program, one that was quicker paced. Anna liked to call it the sugar rush time; Honeymaren’s description had been best left for the bedroom. 

As Elsa neared the end of her program, she raced across the ice towards the quad lutz. Hans, she knew, would have been keeping a rough estimate of her points during the performance, but it wasn’t him she looked for as the music climaxed. 

She caught a glimpse of Honeymaren’s face in the crowd before the world spun. Elsa went airborne, pulling her arms close to give herself more momentum into her spin. She knew it was only a few seconds but it felt like an eternity before she was dropping towards the ice, blood and the roar of the audience in her ears. 

Elsa’s landing was perfect, the grin on her face impossible to hide and she was so proud of herself. She swore she heard Anna’s voice screaming above everyone else’s, but put it out of her mind as she pushed off the ice into the triple axle. 

She felt something go wrong almost as soon as she went into the jump, her skate wobbling around her ankle as her momentum stalled. She tried to change it into a double before just trying to _land_. 

Her foot went one direction and the skate another, taking her ankle with it as pain lanced up her leg. The sound of bones cracking was so loud it was the only thing Elsa could hear. The world twisted and spun and the ice rushed up to meet her. 

__

**❄️**

Honeymaren could watch Elsa on the ice 24/7. She was by far the most beautiful person Honeymaren had ever seen, and when she was lost in the music and the dance it was like watching a majestic queen of snow moving about on her natural element.

And she had, as often as she could, when she wasn’t practicing for her hockey team with Anna. She’d been with Elsa over a year, through the World Championships and other competitions and through hours of grueling training. Hans pushed her too hard, sometimes, but Honeymaren always made sure she was there to ice up the bruises and provide plenty of healing kisses and encouragement.

She couldn’t see a life without Elsa, a feeling that was increasingly hard to ignore for her though she didn’t dare voice it to anyone. It was simply too terrifying, to need someone that completely. 

Honeymaren gripped her knees with her fingers, leaning forward as Elsa went into a jump. She heard Anna’s “holy shit” next to her and they both leapt to their feet when Elsa landed the quad. She went almost immediately into another jump, but wobbled as her spin failed, and then she landed so _wrong_ , her leg crumpling beneath her as she fell, the side of her head hitting the ice. Elsa slid to a stop against the wall of the arena, her scream cut off and yet still echoing across the ring.

The audience went deathly quiet and Honeymaren only realized she was crying when she and Anna gripped each other.

Elsa stirred, lifting her hand and trying to grasp at the wall to pull herself up, blood on the right side of her head, but her ankle was twisted at an angle that made Maren’s stomach roil and the pained _sound_ that came out when she failed to get up made bile rise in her throat.

“Oh god,” Anna whispered, repeating the words over and over again like that would somehow make it so that this wasn’t happening. She got up, grabbing her coat and rushing towards the aisle as the music came to an abrupt halt.

Honeymaren scrambled out of her seat, running after Anna with the men close behind her. Everything was a blur so she focused on Anna’s red hair, following it as Anna ran through the arena and towards where the medics would bring Elsa. There were too many thoughts in her head and she couldn’t figure out which one was most important beyond the terror in her chest.

She and Kristoff caught up when someone tried to bar Anna. “That’s my _sister_!”

“I’m sorry, but they’re treating her now,” the security guard said.

Maren put a hand on Anna’s arm, “Breathe.”

She was probably telling that to herself as much as to Anna. “We’ll get to see her soon enough, okay? Let them take care of her.”

“The doctors they got here are good,” Logan said, putting a hand on Anna’s back. “They’ll take care of her.”

Kristoff glanced up at a display, and seemingly hoping to distract himself pointed out, “Hey… they gave her a score.”

Wondering how good it could possibly be with a fall like that, Honeymaren looked at the display too. If nothing else, it was a lot better to focus on that than Elsa being hurt. She tugged on Anna and pointed, “She needed…what, 156 to be in first?”

“Yeah,” Anna said, hugging herself. Her voice was distant, “They’ll knock points off for her fall and for not being able to finish.”

“She was almost done anyway,” Kristoff said. He put his arms around both of them, a comforting presence that made Maren wish Ryder could have come. “She … could still medal? There’s only one or two skaters left and they have no chance and that quad lutz will be talked about for years.”

“Does that really matter right now?” Honeymaren asked.

“All that work for nothing, because of a freak accident?” Anna leaned into Kristoff, voice shaking, “I don’t want Elsa to come away from this empty handed.”

“Okay, yeah. This was really important to her.” Maren folded her arms and stared at the screen. The numbers were a little blurry to her when the score flashed 152.53 and Logan whistled. 

She stared at the readout, “... That’s _third_!” A bronze medal almost felt like a consolation prize and yet to Honeymaren it only proved that Elsa was the best figure skater alive. 

Even if, right now, she was in there alone with strangers. Even if, right now, her heart was probably broken.

**❄️**

Everything was fuzzy to Elsa, like she was floating on a little cloud. Someone was talking to her, but it sounded like they were underwater. She shook her head, trying to focus, and the voices became clearer. “-do for now, but we’ll need to get her to the hospital for x-rays and further treatment. She also has a mild concussion.”

Hospital? X-rays? Elsa blinked her eyes, pushing herself up onto her elbows. Her right foot was wrapped in bandages and propped up on something. Her skate lay discarded on the ground nearby and Elsa found herself staring at it. It had been cut open and was in nearly two pieces.

“That was my favorite pair of skates,” she said, her voice sounding like cotton in her ears..

“Can she stand for the ceremony? It’ll make a hell of a sight.” Someone asked, and Elsa lifted her eyes so she could see Hans’s familiar red sideburns.

“I hate your sideburns,” Elsa slurred. Someone lifted her up by the shoulders and she was deposited onto a wheelchair. She stared back at her skate again as it disappeared behind her, then returned her gaze to her ankle. It didn’t hurt. Or maybe it actually did but she didn’t really care that it hurt. The effects were the same and she wanted to thank whichever medic had shot her up with the good stuff, but if she thought about it any more she would start crying and no one wanted to see that.

“Where are we going?”

Hans leaned over until he was in her line of view. “The medal ceremony.”

“Why?” She couldn’t fathom why she needed to attend it when she was hurt bad enough that they were talking about x-rays. Elsa remembered the sound of something breaking and immediately shunted that memory away.

No one needed to see her start crying.

“You did strongly enough to still medal,” he explained, a bit like he was talking to a child.

Elsa blinked, the words taking a few moments to sink in. “I don’t think I can do the math right now can you do the math for me?”

“234.63 combined score,” he said. “Which keeps you ahead of the nice lady from Canada.”

“Oh.” Elsa said, trying to subtract her short program score from that number and not really succeeding. “She had a really beautiful free skate. But I fell? And I couldn’t finish…”

“Your program was almost over. You lost something like 3 points for the last jump and fall, and another two for not technically completing your program.” Hans patted her, “That quad was spectacular, though.”

“Oh,” Elsa repeated. Her ankle started to throb, and she gripped the armrest of the chair tightly. Then someone lifted her out of the chair and she was given crutches. Hazily, she recognized the woman taking her arm as her sister and if the whole world wasn’t watching she would have finally started crying.

Someone else hovered nearby, and when she blinked her eyes to clear them she saw Honeymaren which did absolutely nothing to help her keep her tears at bay.

But she gritted her teeth, and allowed the two of them to help her up to the medal platform, but rather than awkwardly try to lift her up into the bronze position, they just propped her up in front of it on the crutches, a fact that she was eternally grateful for. 

Elsa glanced at the other two women, the gold and silver medalists, trying to guess what they were thinking. If their roles were swapped, she’d feel absolutely _awful_ for her competition. And to win only because of a fluke? She would question her performance for the rest of her life.

_This should have been you_ their eyes seemed to say. Either that, or it was the drugs talking.

She managed a smile for them, “Congratulations. I’d shake your hands but I’m barely upright as it is.”

They laughed, but Elsa didn’t feel any better. The bronze medal was heavier than she thought it would be, and definitely not the color she’d been expecting. Emotions went to war with each other inside of her heart and she swayed a little as an anthem played. 

_Oh_ , she thought, recognizing it. _At least the gold stayed with us._

_Skating was the vessel into which I could pour my heart and soul_ ~~ Peggy Fleming


	2. Decisions

_When I was younger, I always dreamed of being a legend, to be remembered in figure skating_ ~~ Michelle Kwan   


Anna shifted the grocery bag to her left arm as she juggled with the keys. After several hectic moments she managed to get the key in the lock and get the door open. Using her hips, Anna pushed the door open and slipped inside. The TV was on, playing the news and Anna frowned immediately. She dropped the bag on the counter and came into the living room.

Elsa was laying on the couch and staring at the tv, which was playing yet-another-news-segment on the Olympics. Though her little albino pet rat Olaf nestled sleepily in her hair and Kristoff’s shaggy dog Sven was flopped on the floor next to the couch, Elsa was very much awake. 

Taking the remote, Anna turned the tv off.

“I was watching that.”

“You don’t need to keep watching that,” Anna said, coming around to the back of the couch and leaning over it, brushing her hand over Elsa’s hair, careful not to disturb the dozing rat. “It’s not good for you.”

“I need to know what people are saying,” Elsa said.

“No, you don’t. You really don’t.” Anna’s fingers dug into the couch, “Most people are sympathetic that you were hurt, and impressed you still managed to medal. You don’t need to listen to people critiquing what happened as if it wasn’t a freak accident.”

“Did you know,” Elsa said, eyes distant. “I did this on purpose, to garner sympathy and play the victim? That’s what they’re saying on Fox News.”

Making a face of disgust, Anna asked, “Why were you on Fox News?”

Elsa shrugged, “I was going through the channels and saw my face.”

Anna winced. “You do remember what you told Hans, right?”

“That Fox News was propaganda designed to appeal to racists and bigots and make them feel like they’re good people.”

“And you weren’t wrong,” Anna gently took Elsa’s chin and forced her to look up at her. “You can’t let these people get to you. What you need to focus on is _healing_. “

Elsa grunted in response, looking away, and Anna sighed. She scritched the rat’s head then went to take care of her groceries. “I know the next three months are going to really suck, but you really need to take care of that ankle if you want to skate again.”

“Assuming I ever do.”

Anna frowned. “Don’t talk like that. Do you not _want_ to?”

With a shaky voice, Elsa replied, “Of course I do. I just … there’s a pin in my ankle, Anna. I won’t be able to walk on it for another three months. And the weeks of therapy after that. And none of that is a guarantee that I’ll be able to perform at the level I was before the accident.”

She nearly tore the bag in frustration and Anna closed her eyes to take a calming breath before she replied. “I’ll be with you every step of the way, Elsa. We all will. Me and Kristoff and Maren.”

Elsa sighed again, and Anna spotted her unlocking her phone. She narrowed her eyes and made a beeline for the living room, snatching the phone out of her sister’s hand. “Oh no you don’t.”

“Anna!” Elsa tried to sit up to stop her, grimaced, sinking back onto the couch.

Anna angled the phone so Elsa could watch her delete twitter and facebook from her phone, “I’m not going to let you get stuck on a feedback loop of doom on social media.”

“Some of it is good,” Elsa pointed out tiredly.

“I know, and I’ll show you some of those, okay? But I’m sure there’s some more of those Fox News people in the timeline.” She handed Elsa’s phone back, “You can’t let it get to you.”

Elsa pouted, swiping through her phone, then dropping it into her lap. 

“How are you feeling?” Anna shook her head, “Actually don’t answer that.”

“I missed the painkiller timer,” Elsa said, after a long moment of consideration. 

“What?” Anna looked at the clock, “Oh god, I’m so sorry, I was gone way longer than I thought I would be.”

God, she definitely couldn’t do this on her own. Even if she was inclined to. Anna was quickly realizing she wouldn’t be able to look after her sister by herself. Not if she wanted to keep her job, anyway. She rushed back into the kitchen to get the bottle and some water and a snack for Elsa to eat with it. “Luckily it was just an hour, we can adjust.”

“Okay,” Elsa nodded and closed her eyes. “I wasn’t going to say anything.”

Anna _stared_ at her. “Why?”

Elsa just shrugged. Olaf yawn-squeaked and scurried out from Elsa’s hair. He found her chest to be more comfortable and sat there, cleaning his whiskers and ears.

“... okay.” Anna came over, “Sorry Olaf, I need to disturb you so Elsa can take her meds.”

Elsa sighed and sat back up long enough to take the pill and knock back some water. Olaf scolded them both, chittering loudly. Anna picked him up and cradled him in her hands. “Let's get you back into your cage.”

“Thanks Anna,” Elsa said, eyes still closed. 

Anna brought Olaf back to his cage, then fed him a treat as she leaned down and whispered, “I’m a little worried about Elsa.”

Olaf wriggled his whiskers at her. She stroked his head and then rubbed the underside of his chin.

“I mean obviously I am, but I think she’s trying to punish herself, or something. I don’t know what to do, and I can’t keep an eye on her twenty-four seven.”

Anna’s phone buzzed and she fished it out of her pocket. 

Maren - _How’s Elsa?_

Anna - _depressed i think but i can’t blame her_

Maren - _Is she awake? She hasn’t returned my texts_

Anna frowned, and then exchanged a look with the rat. She returned her eyes to the phone and replied, _come over for dinner i’ll order take out_

There was a little delay and Anna wondered if she’d made some kind of mistake in suggesting that. For a second she thought maybe Elsa and Maren were on the outs, which would be an absolute _disaster_ because they were _perfect_ for each other. Then her phone beeped.

Maren - _Ok_

Phew. Knowing roughly how long it took for Maren to make the drive to her apartment, Anna ordered the food and then walked back into the living room, “Maren’s going to be over for dinner. Kristoff will be late so I made sure to order him something he can reheat.”

“Maren’s coming over?” Elsa lifted her gaze from her phone, “I don’t … know if that’s a good idea.”

“Did you two have a fight?”

“No.” Elsa looked down at her phone again. “It’s … it’s stupid.”

“I’m sure it’s not stupid, but maybe it’s something you need to talk to her about.”

“She fell in love with my skating,” Elsa whispered. 

“Elsa, if you weren’t already injured and looking more miserable than I’ve ever seen you, I’d smack you!”

“I told you it was stupid. I know she cares for more than that but I keep getting stuck on that. On the first time we met. On all the times she’d watch me practice or we’d all play a game of hockey together. All the hard days I’ve had and she’s been there for me.” Elsa looked forlornly at Anna, “I don’t know who I am when I’m not wearing my skates.”

Anna took her sister’s hand. “You’re Elsa. A kind, gentle person who’s a little goofy and funny, and dotes on her rat like he’s her son. You have a degree in mathematics and love to stargaze and once dreamed of being my science officer on the _Enterprise_. And if she was there for you for all that, she’ll be here for you for this.”

“Remember the tabletop game we played?” Elsa asked.

“The one where your character was secretly a Romulan spy?” Anna grinned.

“Technically she was half-Romulan half-Vulcan… but can we do that again? I’ll bet Maren and Ryder would get a kick out of it too.”

“That can be arranged.” Anna patted her sister and then got up when the doorbell rang. She paid for the food and tipped the driver and was about to close the door when she saw Honeymaren pull up. She waved at her, then left the door open to get plates.

Honeymaren closed the door behind her and kicked off her shoes before joining Anna in the kitchen, “That smells good.”

“Yeah, I slaved over the menu ordering for hours,” Anna replied, swatting Honeymaren’s hand when she went to steal an eggroll. She jerked her head towards the living room. Maren took a breath, then nodded and walked in. She knelt next to Elsa, saying something Anna couldn’t quite hear. Elsa responded and then Maren leaned down to kiss her.

Hoping that was a good sign, Anna finished portioning up the food and put the rest in the fridge for Kristoff. Even as a coach he still needed a day job to make ends meet. Women’s Professional Hockey wasn’t exactly a money-maker for either of them. Sometimes, it cost more than it brought in.

“I think I need to rearrange the room a bit,” Anna declared, putting two plates on the coffee table and then setting her own on a tray next to her recliner.

Sitting down next to the couch as she rescued the plates from a suddenly awake Sven, Honeymaren asked, “What do you mean?”

“I think it’s so you two can be near me without either being on the floor or standing awkwardly next to the couch,” Elsa guessed. She took a plate from Maren and rested it in her lap.

“That would be nice, yes,” Maren agreed.

Elsa’s left hand stroked at Maren’s hair, making Anna hide a smile. For all her worries, Elsa was clearly happy to see Honeymaren. She would need _all_ of them to support her through the next few months. Or longer.

Honestly, having Maren around a lot more would make it a lot easier for Anna.

She chewed on some noodles thoughtfully, considering her options and watching the way her sister and Honeymaren interacted. If she was honest with herself, it was one of her favorite past times. They were always so tender with each other, as if neither woman could quite believe that they were together.

And right now, with Elsa high as a kite, she was being _extra_ affectionate with stroking Maren’s hair and face.

“Hey Maren?” Anna asked.

“Yes?” Maren looked away from Elsa.

“I have a proposal for you.”

“Polygamy is illegal in this state,” Maren replied, sticking half an eggroll in her mouth.

“Wait, what?” Anna nearly choked on her noodles, but recovered admirably, “Thank you, but Elsa would kill me if I tried anything.”

“Kristoff wouldn’t?” Honeymaren asked, teasingly.

“We had a whole discussion once, but anyway that’s not what I mean and you know it.” She threw a fortune cookie at her future sister-in-law (hopefully), “The Whales are off-season. You’re between work and my boss is like, super strict. So I was thinking that you could, I don’t know, move in with us for awhile?”

“Anna!” Elsa said, staring at her.

Anna hated saying this, knowing how it might sound to Elsa. But she couldn’t spare her the truth. “I can’t leave you alone, Elsa. Not until you’re able to move around without help and I can’t take much more time off of work without getting fired. Besides, Sven would love it. Wouldn’t you boy?”

Such was the life of a woman in professional sports. 

Sven wagged his tail, looking up at Anna and trying to manipulate her into giving up some of her food.

Maren was staring ahead, blinking her eyes as if she was trying to process what was happening, then she looked back at Elsa, who was on the verge of tears. Carefully, she put her plate back down on the coffee table and got onto her knees next to Elsa, “Sweetheart, Anna is right. Until you can put weight on that ankle you’ll need help just to go to the bathroom or get into bed. And it’s not like you can walk the dog either.”

“This is _humiliating_ ,” Elsa whispered.

“Look at me,” Maren said, gazing at Elsa until Elsa did so. “If this was me or Anna, what would you tell us?”

Elsa frowned, looking into Maren’s eyes with her own bleary gaze. “That … that I wouldn’t judge you or think less of you just because you needed my help.”

“Exactly.” Maren took Elsa’s hand and squeezed it, “You need help. I’m your girlfriend, Anna is your family. This is one of the things we’re supposed to be here for. There’s no shame in needing help until you’re mobile on your own again.”

“I have one correction for that,” Anna said. “We’re _all_ family here.”

Sven took exactly that moment to make a lunge for Honeymaren’s plate.

_In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed_ ~~ Ralph Waldo Emerson


	3. A Long Road

_Failure is inevitable – and it’s the people that keep trying who become successful. ~~ Mirai Nagasu_

The sound of skates on ice filled Elsa’s senses, the crowd roaring though the stands were strangely empty. She spun, faster and faster and faster and then leapt into a graceful arc. As she reached the apex of her arc an abyss opened beneath her and she fell and she fell and she fell.

Someone in the invisible audience booed her.

Elsa woke, rolling her head onto the pillow to stifle a whimper as her ankle throbbed. She didn’t want to wake anyone over a stupid nightmare. Not Anna or Kristoff in the next room, or Honeymaren asleep on the couch. 

Even despite that, she wished that Mare could be in bed with her. While she still felt like she was somehow broken, Mare being nearby the past few weeks had become kind of a comfort, helping keep Elsa from her darkest thoughts. But neither of them wanted to risk jostling her ankle while they slept and Mare had chosen the couch over them buying a cot.

She opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling. In her room, the only sound was her breathing and Olaf nesting in his cage. He shuffled around in the darkness, sniffling and snuffling, tearing at a napkin Anna had given him before bed. He liked to tear paper into little pieces and stuff it into the plastic igloo Elsa had bought for him to hide in and most of the time Elsa found it to be exceptionally adorable and soothing to watch.

As she watched, the cage suddenly seemed to pulstate and grow, springing up like a cartoon balloon. Olaf stepped out of his igloo, a snowman with rat-like ears and tiny twigs for whiskers on the end of his carrot nose. He smiled broadly when he saw Elsa, “Hello! My name is Olaf and I like warm hugs!”

Elsa sat up, staring at him. He bounced over and put twiggy little arms on the bed, peering up at her with eyes that were entirely too human for a snowman _or_ a rat. “Hello? I’m Elsa?”

“What are you doing in bed?”

“Healing,” Elsa replied. “And failing to sleep.

“Why?” He blinked his eyes at her.

“I got hurt.”

“You don’t look that hurt to me,” he said, frowning. “Are you so sure about that?”

Sighing, Elsa pulled her blanket off so she could show him her cast. She gasped when she saw her foot was free of the cast. Experimentally, she rolled her foot around. There was no pain and she had the full range of movement. Bouncing on the bed in excitement she exclaimed, “I guess you’re right!”

“You know what we should do?” Olaf took her hand as she climbed out of bed, “Lets go skating!”

“That sounds like fun,” Elsa agreed, excitement bubbling up through her. There were few things on earth she loved as much as skating. They walked out of her room and onto the skating rink, the chill in the air invigorating. She knelt to check her skates, but try as she might she couldn’t get the laces tight enough. 

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,” Olaf said, though his voice sounded different now. “I’ve got you.”

She looked up into Hans’s face and nodded, then took his offered hand. They skated out to the center of the ice, and Elsa spun around lazily, getting a feel for the ice under her feet and just enjoying the moment. How she loved this feeling, this freedom. It was as though for the first time she was remembering what it felt like to skate without pressure. Just for fun.

God, she hadn’t skated just for fun in years, had she?

Olaf circled her on little snow boots, jumping and spinning as he did so, and Hans kept hold of her hand, supporting her like he had her whole career.

“Elsa?”

She slowed, looking around for who had called her. Had that been Anna? Mare? They’d always supported her too, the pillars he stood upon, but right now they seemed far away and out of reach. Their voices faded away to white noise and it was just her and Hans.

“Go for the jump, Elsa,” Hans said. “I’ve got you.”

Elsa sped towards him, leaping into the air with her arms outstretched. But Hans wasn’t there to catch her and she crashed into the ice and then through it, sinking down into dark, frigid water. So cold that her skin burned, so cold her bones _ached_. Deeper and deeper she sank, her lungs filling with water, freezing over and freezing through. Elsa didn’t fight it, it was where she _belonged_.

But hands grasped her by the shoulders and she was pulled up out of the darkness and into the light. 

Three figures swam into view, slowly coalescing into Anna, Kristoff and Honeymaren. She blinked her eyes and then unsuccessfully bit back a cry of pain. Kristoff let go of her right leg, slowly and carefully.

“You were thrashing around in your sleep,” Anna said. “Are you okay?”

“Just anoth -- a night mare. Just a nightmare,” Elsa said, grasping for Anna and Honeymaren’s hands. Her night gown clung to her sweat stained body and yet she still felt cold, that ache permeating her bones as though it never planned to leave.

No one pressed her on her slip up, but Kristoff seemed compelled to explain, “I uhm. Didn’t want you hurting your ankle any more than it already was. You almost kicked the footboard a few times.”

Her ankle hurt bad enough right now that she didn’t want to think about what it would feel like if she’d actually kicked something. ”Thanks.” She worked her jaw, tightening and tensing it, but couldn’t figure out what else to say. She hated this, she hated this _so much_.

Kristoff nodded, coming in to give her a quick hug before he left the bedroom. Anna lingered longer, but Elsa gave her a reassuring smile. Honeymaren stayed, her hand just above Elsa’s, fingertips brushing her knuckles. 

“Do you need anything?” Maren asked.

“No,” Elsa lied.

Maren frowned, “Bathroom?”

It didn’t really matter how much Elsa was told it was okay, it still felt a little humiliating having to be half carried into the bathroom and back. It was still a little humiliating that she couldn’t even use the tub and was reduced to sponge baths. Honeymaren loved her, Anna loved her, Kristoff loved her and she knew she’d be utterly screwed without the three of them. They were family, she kept telling herself. Family helped each other.

But that was only a small part of it and Elsa was too tired to dwell on what she was and was not feeling. So she just nodded, because it would be a _lot_ more humiliating to have an accident in bed.

“Lets try the crutches tonight,” Honeymaren said, gazing at her thoughtfully.

“I don’t know.” Elsa looked at her foot. The pain had died down somewhat, and the doctor had said she could put weight on it. 

But what if she fell again? What if the doctor was wrong? What if she screwed herself into never being able to skate again. And that was the worst part, that was what made her freeze up and sent her mind into a spiral.

She hesitated so long that Honeymaren scooped her up into her arms as though she weighed nothing. “Not tonight then. But I think tomorrow we’re going to see how well you can get around on your own.”

“All right,” Elsa sighed, resting her head on Maren’s shoulder. “You’ll be in the living room?”

“Yep. Sven can keep me company. I really think he likes having another person around.” Maren carefully maneuvered Elsa through the hallway, one eye on her foot’s proximity to the walls. “Just call for me when you’re done.”

Elsa decided she _really_ didn’t deserve her.

**❄️**

There were some days over the next weeks where Elsa barely responded to anything Honeymaren said or did. The occasional nod or smile, a grunt in acknowledgement, and that was all she could get out of her. Other days she _seemed_ to be fine even when she clearly wasn’t, but Elsa would reassure her all was well and keep her deepest hurts to herself. She didn’t even talk about her nightmares, though more than once Maren had caught her talking to the damned _rat_ about it.

Surely she rated above a rat? It was _frustrating_ and all Honeymaren wanted was for her girlfriend to _talk_ to _her_. But healing couldn’t be rushed, either of the body or the mind and it was obvious to everyone just how hard Elsa was taking the whole situation. 

It didn’t help that Anna’s job required more and more hours and frankly Maren was worried Anna might have trouble when it came time to practice for the team. How she’d get enough sleep between work, practice, and taking care of her sister was beyond Maren. She also knew Elsa would blame herself if either Anna or Maren couldn’t play.

And yet, despite that, Honeymaren couldn’t shake the feeling that she wasn’t _needed_ now that the initial rough spots had passed. Elsa could move around enough now without any help, and that had been true for the past month. Maren wondered how much longer she’d be able to get away with sleeping on the couch and when she’d have to move back in with her brother, so to speak. Maren kind of felt a bit like a mooch as it was, so she wouldn’t mind finding work. But she liked feeling needed by Elsa, and even at its most frustrating it was still nice to be near her.

And, as she frequently reminded herself, at least she was still useful for _some_ things and it being one of those mornings that Anna couldn’t get time off, Honeymaren was the one driving Elsa home from an appointment with the doctor. It was likely to be her again when Elsa had her therapist appointment later in the week. Now, getting Elsa to go to a therapist had practically required an _intervention_ , but she was at the mercy of the three of them and a few of their friends had volunteered as needed for transport too. Some bribery by way of chocolate was still sometimes required though.

Elsa sat in the seat next to Maren, staring at the window with a tired expression on her face. Despite what had been a good prognosis, Elsa’s spirits were low. 

Maren looked over at her girlfriend at a red light, searching for something to say, even though there was nothing she could say to make it all better. This couldn’t be fixed with words, just steady, gentle support. But maybe she could at least try to lift Elsa’s mood and she knew just the trick, “How would you like to take a real bath today?”

Elsa lifted her head from her phone, blinking at Honeymaren, “We can’t get the cast wet.”

“I talked to the doctor, we can wrap it in plastic and it’ll be fine. If you want, I could keep you company?”

“I’d like that.” Elsa smiled at her.

“Really?” Maren asked, putting a hand on Elsa’s knee. “I want you to feel better, you don’t have to do something you don’t want just for me.”

“Oh, no, I really really want to take a bath,” Elsa assured her. There was a slight redness to her face, “And I like having you around.”

Excited to get Elsa home and into a bath, Maren had to force herself to drive reasonably safely. Elsa’s words buoyed her own spirits, and she parked as quickly as she dared, popping out of the car and opening the door for Elsa before stepping back far enough away that Elsa wouldn’t feel like she was hovering.

Elsa gave her an appreciative smile, shoving her crutches out of the car and using the oh-shit handle to pull herself out. She leaned on the car a moment, then picked up her crutches and used her good foot to close the door behind her. Maren couldn’t blame her, going to the doctor was always exhausting.

It was good to see Elsa smiling, even as she navigated the front steps. Maren unlocked the door and stepped inside so she could run interference for Sven; she might be mobile but Maren didn’t want to risk an overexcited dog knocking her down the stairs. Luckily, Sven was napping, which saved her the trouble.

“I’ll change in the bedroom,” Elsa said, surprising Maren with how quickly she moved through the apartment. She really _wasn’t_ needed, was she. That was a _good_ thing, Maren tried to remind herself. 

“I’ll uh… draw the bath.” Maren ran her fingers through her hair, kicking her shoes off and then marching towards the bathroom like a woman on a mission. She looked through a cabinet until she found what she was looking for, then turned on the water and dumped a generous amount of bubble bath into the tub.

While the tub filled, Maren rushed around the kitchen until she found some plastic bags and rubber bands. Elsa’s cast covered most of her foot from her shin down to just behind her toes, so she wanted to make sure she could cover all of it.

She ran back in and turned the water off, then walked into Elsa’s room.

Elsa looked up from where she sat on the bed. She’d managed to get her shorts and shirt off and dropped her shirt into her lap when she saw Honeymaren. “Hi.”

Honeymaren’s throat bobbed but she kept her eyes locked onto Elsa’s face. They’d only been intimate for a few months before the accident, and sponge baths since didn’t really count, so she hadn’t actually gotten a good look at her girlfriend’s body in a long time.

“You can look, you know.”

She smiled sheepishly, “I just -- it’s been -- You’ve been -- I don’t want to --” Maren sighed, “If I look I’m going to stare at you and then you’ll never be able to take a bath.”

Still, she took a peak and was pleased to see Elsa blushing. “No one is home, but I’ll make sure to bring your robe in in case Anna or Kristoff does come back while you’re in there.”

Elsa nodded, then got to her feet and crutches and hobbled her way to the bathroom. Maren picked up Elsa’s robe and followed, where she stood awkwardly in the doorway, watching as Elsa carefully sat on the edge of the tub and reached for the bags. She looked up at Maren, raising her eyebrows, “Would you like to help?”

More quickly than necessary, Maren nodded.

**❄️**

Some days, it was impossible for Elsa to break out of her funk. Anna tried, god did she try, and so did Maren and Kristoff and Ryder, but it was just… so hard. All she had time to do was think, and there’d been things she hadn’t told either them or any other of her friends about. Not that she’d been able to see many of her friends lately outside of a recent gathering at the apartment.

But when Maren had brought up the idea of a bath, a _real_ bath, Elsa had seen a little bit of sunlight. And so she latched onto it and thought that, maybe, if she acted like she was excited about something, she might actually be excited about something. And when she’d seen the bubbles, she’d actually laughed.

“I love you,” she said, as Maren knelt on the tiles. Just so that Maren didn’t forget. Hell, just so _she_ didn’t forget. Too much time in her head occasionally made feeling anything all that strongly hard.

“I love you too.” Maren smiled at her, kissing her knee as she carefully pulled the bag up and over the cast, and used some rubber bands to keep it in place. Her face was flushed and her eyes kept darting up Elsa’s bare legs. 

“I can’t believe you still look at me like that.”

Dumbfounded, Maren stared up at her. “I’m sorry, what?”

Elsa stared at her like she was out of her mind, “Just look at me, I’m a _mess_.”

“You’re my mess,” Maren assured her. “And still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” She took Elsa’s hand and squeezed it.

Elsa nodded, still a little unsure but not willing to argue the point right now, suddenly terrified of pushing Maren away. Slowly, she pulled herself back into the tub, keeping her right leg on the edge. The water was warm and the bubbles smelled like citrus. Elsa closed her eyes and moaned, leaning her head back against the wall as the water soaked into her skin, the warmth soothing her muscles.

She was pretty sure she needed a minute or six to just enjoy it. When she opened her eyes, Honeymaren was gazing at her with a soft smile on her lips. Elsa smiled back, then worried her lip between her teeth.

Maren’s expression changed, “Something is bothering you.”

Elsa scrunched up her nose, “How do you always do that?”

“I know your tells, it’s why I always win strip poker with you.”

“I let you win.” Elsa struck her tongue out. “But … yes, there is something. But you can’t tell Anna because I really should be the one to tell her. But haven’t been able to figure out the words so, get my phone, it’s in the bedroom.”

Maren nodded, leaving Elsa in the tub and alone with her thoughts. The idea of sharing this with anyone made her feel ill at ease, but she couldn’t keep it to herself forever. But hopefully Maren could help. Elsa latched onto that thought, fighting the voice in her head that told her she should go it alone. Conceal everything. Elsa’s usual go-to when her family wasn’t noticing.

“Got it.” Maren closed the door behind her, and sat down on the toilet as she unlocked the phone. “What do you need?”

“Text messages. There’s … some from last month.” Elsa gazed at her foot, rather than at Honeymaren. “Just. You can read them. I don’t think I can say it out loud.”

Maren’s looked at her with concern, then looked back down at the phone as she scrolled through the texts. When she let out an enraged hiss Elsa knew she’d found them.

“The fuck did _he_ want?” Maren started to scroll through the messages and even though Elsa couldn’t bring herself to look at her face, the mumbled cursing and other angry sounds her girlfriend was making told her enough.

Slowly, she set the phone down on the sink, pressing her palms against her face for a moment as she took calming breaths. Then she slipped off of the toilet to kneel on the floor next to Elsa’s head. She reached over and stroked her hair, “I can’t believe him. Is this why you’ve been looking at your phone so much? I wish you’d shown someone sooner.”

“I can believe it. It’s textbook Hans.” Elsa said, leaning into the touch and feeling the first tears in a month start to run down her face. “He always knew exactly what to say or how to say it to get what he wanted out of me. I thought that just made him a good coach.”

“That abusive motherf -- he _dropped_ you?! Just like that, and over _texts_! And the things he said … ” Maren’s voice shook with emotion, “Elsa, sweetie. You aren’t _broken_. You aren’t! He was lying and trying to hurt you because he’s an asshole and he knows you’ll be competition for whoever he moves on to next, and in time for Nationals. You’ll heal, you’ll recover, and you’ll show him what he’s missing out on.”

Elsa gripped the edge of the tub, trying to fight the emotions that she couldn’t contain any more. But it was a hopeless battle. Everything, _everything_ since her accident crashed down onto her. 

Maren leaned into the tub, putting her arms around her and holding her against her chest as she sobbed against her, her fingers clutching at Maren’s shirt and thoroughly soaking her in water and bubbles.

But Maren didn’t let go of her and held her tight until the tears gradually subsided. Elsa sniffled, feeling _too much_ where before she had been feeling not _enough_. It was like a dam had burst.

After a few more moments of silence, Elsa lifted her head, staring puffy eyed at Maren. “Please stay.”

“I’m not going anywhere. Except _maybe_ to get some towels.”

Elsa shook her head. “No, I mean. _Stay_. In the apartment. In my room, with me.”

“But your ankle?” Elsa could tell that Maren wanted to jump at the chance to say yes. Yet pushing her was something Maren had never done. Even lovemaking had been something that Elsa had had to indicate she wanted before Maren either clued into it or felt like she wasn’t being pushy about. So Elsa knew she had to be the one to make the call.

“Will be fine now, you just need to sleep on my left. I know you were usually on the right when you stayed over but... Please stay. I was thinking of asking you anyway, before… “ She pointed at her ankle.

“Okay,” Maren said, voice a little shaky even as she leaned in to kiss her. “You have yourself a live-in girlfriend.”

_My skating is a very emotional thing that comes from the heart, never doing it for the medal. ~~ Debi Thomas_


	4. Healthy Fear

_The biggest lesson has been that there are no shortcuts. It’s just a lot of hard work and a lot of sacrifice to get what you want_ ~~ Tessa Virtue

Anna was pretty sure her palm was bleeding from how deeply she was digging her nails into it. But it was like watching Elsa be _tortured_. She’d known that physical therapy would be bad, had researched for weeks now so she and the others would be prepared, but her sister was in agony and nothing could have prepared her for actually witnessing it.

She almost wished she’d demurred and stayed out in the waiting room, but it was impossible to resist Elsa’s imploring look and when Elsa squeezed her hand hard enough to make her bones ache, Anna knew she’d made the right choice in coming in with her. It just … wasn’t that easy to watch.

Elsa sagged back, closing her eyes as sweat damped her brow. 

“That looks less than pleasant,” Anna said, loosening her free hand and surreptitiously checking to see if she’d injured herself. There were red welts, but she hadn’t broken through to her skin. In the grand scheme of things that was a bright side.

“I knew it would hurt,” Elsa admitted. “I didn’t think it would be that much just for stretching. Or this _exhausting_ to do it.”

“It’s only the first day,” Anna reminded her. “They might not even make you try to walk on it today. You need to get your leg strength back up. Besides, I’ve _seen_ the way you practice. This is nothing.”

“Easy for you to say,” Elsa murmured. She looked at Anna. “I wanted to thank you for something.”

“For being the best sister ever?”

“Well yes.” Elsa let go of her hand and patted it, “You’ve done so much for me, through all of this.”

“I had help,” Anna reminded her. 

“Yes.” Elsa smiled, “Kristoff, Mare and Ryder have been wonderful too. I don’t know where I’d be without…”

When she trailed off, Anna looked more closely at her. But she hadn’t gone away, like she sometimes had when they were younger and now sometimes did again since her injury. “What’s up?”

Elsa shook her head and reached for a water bottle. “Sorry. I was reminding myself of the good things in my life and the goals I still want to accomplish.”

“You should try woebot,” Anna suggested.

“What’s that?”

“I’ll install it on your phone and show you it later. It an app that helps me. I think it’ll help you too.”

The rest of the morning went about as well as the first part of PT and Anna was almost as glad as Elsa was when it was over. She led Elsa out of the building and to her car, giving the rustbucket a fond look as she got the door for Elsa. “Are you hungry? It looks like you worked an appetite.”

“Starving.” 

“Good.” Anna grinned and bounced around to the other side. “Because we’re going somewhere.”

“Anna, I don’t know if I’m up to going out!” Elsa buckled up and then stared at Anna, running a hand through her hair, “I’m sweaty and nasty and really tired.” She waved a folded up paper at her, “Have you _seen_ the crap I have to do with my ankle every day, even when I’m _not_ at PT?”

“Do you trust me?” Anna asked, and Elsa looked a little surprised at the question.

“Yes, always?”

“Then trust me. It’ll be good for you and if you get too tired I’ll take you home, I promise.”

“ … all right.”

**❄️**

Kristoff looked around the little restaurant, and then leaned back against one of the booths. Everyone who was coming was here, and while it wasn’t a large gathering he hoped it would be a fun one and give Elsa the distraction she probably needed.

Besides himself, Maren and Ryder, they’d also invited a few of Elsa’s friends. Tiana and Charlotte owned the restaurant and there was also their friend Cass, Cass’s girlfriend, a rookie skater named Rapunzel, and Rapunzel’s boyfriend Eugene. A blonde woman named Jane was a friend of Elsa’s from her mathematics days, and rounding up the small gathering and nursing a beer in the corner was their adoptive father. A gruff man who Kristoff generally got along well with mostly because they both really liked hockey and beer.

“How has Anna’s car not fallen apart by now?” Rapunzel asked.

“Beats me.” Maren appeared next to Kristoff, “Every time I get in it I feel I need a tetanus shot.”

“Old Bertha has served us well for many years,” Kristoff replied, offended. He elbowed Maren, “At least the engine is reliable and it has a working radiator.”

“In my defense, Ryder was the one who ran over the grate.”

Ryder threw up his hands. “For the last time, it was an accident! And totally covered by insurance!”

Maren sighed. “It’s been in the shop for three weeks. I'm about ready to give it up for dead. Should have just taken out a gun and shot it.”

Anna led Elsa in just then and Elsa stopped, leaning against the door frame as she looked around in shock. Then she smiled, timidly at first but it rapidly grew in size as she recognized everyone.

Kristoff hung back, letting everyone greet her and instead caught Anna’s eye and exchanged a warm smile with her. When he’d brought up this idea she’d jumped on it, but still let him make the arrangements.

“It's not my birthday,” Elsa was saying, as both Jane and Rapunzel made her sit down at a place of honor.

“First day of PT,” Cass said. “Close enough.”

“If your birthday parties are like physical therapy, remind me to never attend them,” Elsa replied. Despite her exhaustion, she looked happy and Kristoff knew her well enough to understandthat the emotion she was showing was genuine and not an act.

Anna put her arm around Kristoff’s back and rested her head on his shoulder, “You know, I was gonna say that I didn’t know who needed this more, her or us. But it’s her. Definitely her.”

“Remember when our goalie had to go through something like this?” Kristoff said. “Daily exercises and two or three times a week with the physical therapy. Just … the _agony_. I wanted Elsa to know she’s got us all to lean on as she goes through this.”

“Abby got through it. And we’ll help Elsa through it too,” Anna said. She leaned up and kissed his cheek, then ran over to join the others.

**❄️**

Something poked Maren in the face, and she swatted at it. It poked her again, so she opened her eyes to see Ryder’s face half an inch from her own. With a groan, she shoved him away. “What do you _want_ you doofus?”

“You told me to wake you up at six today.”

She groaned again, “Why would I do something like that?”

“Hockey?”

Maren scrambled out of bed so fast that Ryder lost his balance and landed on his ass next to it. He glared at her, “You know, if you’re _actually_ moving in with Elsa, why is all your gear still here?”

“It’s closer to the rink,” Maren replied, digging through a pile of laundry for something clean. 

Ryder propped himself up on an elbow. “Yeah, i’m not buying that.”

“It’s the truth.” Maren sniffed her jersey then shrugged. It was clean enough and she didn’t have time to really worry about it. Plus, she’d worn worse before, “With such an early practice, it’s just easier. And I don’t want to wake her.”

“That the rink is closer is true but that isn’t the reason why you keep your gear here. Or why you slept here.” Ryder hopped to his feet, “And like, she keeps similar hours for practice too, especially now that her therapy is going to progress.”

“I missed you, happy?”

“Nah, now I _know_ you’re lying.” 

She frowned, hugging her jersey to her chest as she stared at her brother. “It’s hard to explain.”

He shook his head, stepping closer and poking her in the shoulder, “Come on. If you stow your gear at her place, that really means it’s _your_ place.”

“Yeah. It does.” Honeymaren felt some coldness in her chest, “Why is that so scary? I’ve been living with her for almost four months. We just got her cast off two weeks ago.”

“Yeah, to help her out. But if you put your hockey stick in her closet, that means it’s _permanent_. That makes it _real_.” Ryder folded his arms, regarding her smugly. 

“Don’t you have your own boyfriend to worry about?”

“Yeah but he can’t move in with all your stuff here.” 

Maren laughed and shoved him, “Okay. Okay. I’ll take my gear.”

Ryder grinned, “That’s my sis.”

**❄️**

“Let's watch The Witcher again when Ryder gets back. Yennefer is my gay awakening,” Elsa said, leaning against Honeymaren and snuggling into her arms.

“You were _already_ gay.”

Elsa pouted at her, “It’s my _second_ awakening.”

“That’s totally a thing,” Anna agreed. “Besides, that show is like everyone is so hot and I’m dying.”

“I can see the aesthetic appeal of Geralt,” Elsa allowed. “But he’s not my type. I could stare at Trish all day, though.”

Kristoff made a noncommittal sound that almost sounded like ‘Jaskier’.

“What if I dressed like Yennefer for Halloween? Or Geralt?” Honeymaren’s eyes gleamed and Elsa’s mouth went dry at the thought of Maren in either costume. Especially if she went with Geralt’s unbuttoned look. It would be _dashing_ and the more she thought about it the more affected it made her.

When she remained silent, her sister teased, “I think either of those would be acceptable because we just broke Elsa.”

Elsa would have thrown something at her but Maren was kissing the back of her neck in a dastardly move to distract her.

“Are you ready for next week?” Anna asked, and Elsa forced herself to ignore what her girlfriend was doing.

“I …” Elsa knocked her shoulder back into Maren’s chest, eliciting an oof. Maren giggled and nuzzled her nose into her hair. “I guess.”

“You guess?” Kristoff looked at her worriedly.

“I guess I’m terrified,” Elsa admitted. She put her hand over Maren’s on her stomach, looking down at her legs as she rolled her right foot around, stretching her ankle. There was no tightness, no pain except that which her brain wanted to manufacture. She couldn’t even tell that it had ever been hurt or that there was a pin inside or she’d spend three months in a cast and another two in physical therapy.

A single moment, a single second on the ice and Elsa had lost half a year of her life to just getting back to where she’d been. And she couldn’t even be certain she was there yet. She would have to train, and train, and train, just to qualify for nationals. 

Elsa realized she was spiraling only after Ryder came through the front door with armfuls of take-out, but she was grateful for the interruption.

“So who gets the healthy option?” He asked, looking through the baggies. “Not that there’s any salads in here. Rice and chicken for the Queen of the Ice, right?”

“That’s right.” One of many hard parts of Elsa’s recovery had been her diet. She ate a _lot_ when she was training, a diet high in fiber and protein. It was something she couldn’t maintain while recovering since she wasn’t exercising as much. But during the last couple of weeks of her physical therapy she’d started easing herself back into her routine.

Honestly she’d kind of missed it and once she’d started eating she started to become less afraid of what was to come. It was almost like eating helped with mental blocks.

“Guess we all kind of have a high protein diet,” Ryder commented, handing Kristoff his order.

Maren nudged her, “You were saying?”

“Hoped you had forgotten.” Elsa speared a piece of chicken with her fork and spun it around in front of her. “Being scared of going back out there, that’s _normal_ right?”

“Yeah,” Kristoff said. “It’s totally normal to be scared. You got hurt. And now you’re going to go and face the thing that hurt you. It’s scary. But you’re one of the bravest people I know. It’s kind of a family trait.”

“Aww,” Anna smiled at him from around a mouthful of rice.

“Thank you, Kristoff.” Elsa grinned at him, too polite to be chewing when she answered.

“So what’s the schedule?” Ryder plopped down on the floor near the couch where Maren and Elsa were sitting, popping open a container of his own food.

“Well … I’m going to spend Monday just kind of getting used to being on the ice again. Maybe try a couple easy jumps.” Elsa took a bite of the chicken on her fork as she wondered how much she might fall. She expected a sore bum at the least. The memory of the bruise on her hip after her injury at the Olympics swam into her mind and she blinked her eyes to clear it. “I’ll see how the rest of the week goes after that but I’ll be meeting with my new coach in a few weeks”

“New coach?” Ryder craned his neck to look at Elsa, “Do we know them?”

“You remember our foster dad, Logan?” Anna asked.

“Yep. Drank me under the table. Twice.”

“He’s apparently friends with this woman named Natalia, and she agreed to help get Elsa back to tip top shape.”

“Natalia Ryzhova,” Elsa said, unable to keep a note of wonder out of her voice. “Four time world champion with _three_ Olympic medals to her name.”

Ryder looked skeptical, “And Logan just _knows_ this woman?”

“I stopped asking questions a long time ago,” Anna said. 

“Anna used to think he was like some super secret spy or something.”

“Correction!” Anna lifted her chin up, “I _still_ think he’s a super secret spy and Ms. Ryzhova is his arch-enemy slash clandestine lover.”

“That can’t possibly be a thing.” Kristoff pointed his fork at Anna, “Stuff like that just doesn’t happen in real life.”

“We are living in a Cold War Spy Thriller,” Anna insisted. “And we don’t even know it! It’s like we’re background characters in this exciting romantic adventure, living our lives day to day while people like Logan travel all over the world going all James Bond with sexy super models!”

“The only thing true about that is the super-models,” Elsa assured everyone.

“Wait--” Ryder said.

“What?!” Maren asked.

**❄️**

Maren closed the bedroom door behind her, turning to gaze at her girlfriend. Elsa was reclining on the bed and leaning back on her hands, looking at Honeymaren with a smile that reached her eyes. They’d spent most of the night playing games and with the exception of Charades, Elsa had done well.

But then she was always _the_ expert at Dragonmaster, an interesting trick-taking card game that had apparently been a family tradition of their foster family.

“That was fun,” Maren said. “I still think you were cheating.”

Elsa grinned at her as she started to unbutton her blouse, “I had to make up for the one time you beat us all.”

Eyes dropping to follow the path of Elsa’s fingers, Honeymaren completely forgot what she wanted to say. Thinking was becoming increasingly difficult and next to impossible once Elsa shrugged the garment off. She hadn’t bothered with a bra today, and Honeymaren feasted on the view. 

“I’ve decided to get into curling,” Elsa said.

“Mmhmm.” Maren licked her lips and imagined tracing the contours of Elsa’s stomach while groping her skater’s legs. There were a lot of favorite parts of Elsa but her legs were her _favorite_.

“Tiana and I are getting married.” Elsa’s skirt slipped down her legs and she kicked it off, now sitting completely nude on the bed.

_Oh god …_ “That’s nice.”

Elsa laughed and leaned back again. “I’m actually straight.”

Maren’s head snapped up. “What?”

“Finally.” Elsa tilted her head, shaking it slightly as she laughed at her, “A little distracted, love?”

She gestured helplessly at all of Elsa, who’s entire body seemed to blush in response. “It’s just. You’re so beautiful. I don’t think I could ever tell you that enough.”

“Is it nice to look at me when I’m not needing help in and out of the tub or shower?” Elsa asked.

“It’s always nice to look at you.” Honeymaren quickly came over to the bed, kneeling down between Elsa’s legs and gazing adoringly at her. “At your worst or at your best I love you.”

She trailed her fingers along the outside of Elsa’s legs, and rested her hands on her hips while leaning her cheek on a thigh, “Even if you decided to go into curling.”

“So you _were_ listening!” Elsa cupped her face and stroked her cheek lovingly, and Maren was disinclined to look away from her eyes, or move, or otherwise risk breaking the spell. She _knew_ she was the luckiest woman alive. “You’re so beautiful, Mare. I _know_ I don’t tell you that enough.” 

“Maybe a little, until I got very distracted.” Flushing at the compliment, she poked Elsa in the stomach. Then she turned her head and nibbled at tender, sensitive skin. Elsa gasped, her hand moving into Maren’s hair. 

Taking the hint when fingers tangled in her hair, Maren smiled and pulled Elsa forward by the hips.


	5. Drift Compatible

****

**PART II**

_Hearts shall dance once again; when canvas of ice is painted with the brush of skates_ ~~ Shah Asad Rizvi

Fear. Cold fear ran down Elsa’s spine as she walked towards the ice. Blades scraped from several people already out on it. Another skater was practicing, and there was a family group teaching a little boy how to maintain his balance.

But that sound, that scraping and the memories it dredged up nearly made Elsa turn around and leave.

No, she wouldn’t let herself give up that easily. She could do this, she _would_ do this. But before she did, she leaned on the railing. It was near the spot she’d first met Honeymaren and she allowed that memory to play through her mind.

Just one look at the beautiful woman hanging over the railing and Elsa’s balance had gone sideways. She’d gotten a sore rump and the best girlfriend in history out of it. 

Smiling, Elsa took a look around. Most of the stands and benches were empty, but there were always a few people sitting around. Family members of someone practicing or the occasional enthusiast who just enjoyed watching people on the ice. She’d always kept quiet about her favorite practice site, so there were no fans or curious press hanging around which was just the way she liked it.

Elsa hadn’t been on the ice in nearly six months and the less eyes on her inevitable mistakes the better. She took off the skate guards and then stepped onto the ice, allowing herself to slide forward several feet.

The feel of gliding was _refreshing_ , and Elsa let out a breath. She started to skate forward, listening to her skates on the ice as she swerved around in a lazy figure eight. A few tears stung her cheeks as her lips turned up, and then she laughed as she twirled around on her left foot and took off down along the outside of the rink. Six months. _Six months_ off the ice. The jogging she’d done during the latter part of her therapy just hadn’t been the same and _nothing_ could replace this feeling. When Elsa was on the ice, it was when she felt the most herself.

The cold air ripped at her face and body, the world passing her by in a blur and here she was, born to be on the ice and as free as she could ever be to fly.

Elsa spun around, moving backwards along the ice, then she was facing forward, or moving sideways. Nothing complex, nothing fancy, but still grace and her signature artistry. And then she jumped without a spin, landing on her right foot and stretching her left leg behind her. 

And then Elsa wound herself up for a simple toe loop, twisting into the air and landing not quite perfectly but a good first attempt for being so rusty. It was a huge relief, and she happily focused on practicing that jump as well as some loop jumps several more times until she felt like she had her form back.

Like riding a bicycle, she told herself.

She moved into something resembling one of her routines; not Olympic worthy but one that was calming to her, bringing back memories of time spent with Anna or that time Logan had taken them all out to a pond and she’d tried to show off for them.

Honeymaren was watching her, and Elsa twirled to a stop. She should _probably_ take a break, but she wanted to try something a little more complicated first. After so long off the ice something like an axel was probably not the best idea but Elsa badly wanted to jump right into her more difficult routine and with Maren watching she felt compelled to show off.

Course decided, Elsa started off down the ice, picking up enough speed for a double axel. She twirled into the air and ~~her foot wobbled and she came crashing down, her bones splintering and cracking and~~ Elsa opened herself up out of the tight form and landed on both feet.

Her heart was racing and the sounds around her became a dull roar. _She hadn’t popped a jump like that in years._

Gritting her teeth, Elsa surged forward, refusing to let her mind defeat her, but again she came out of the jump the same way, heart pounding and feeling like blood was caking the side of her head. But there was no blood on her head, no blood smearing the ice, her leg was strong and steady beneath her.

“Elsa?” Maren skated up to her, grabbing her hands.

“I’m fine,” Elsa lied.

Maren frowned at her, then leaned in and kissed her nose. “Come on, I think you might be trying too much on your first day.”

Elsa realized she was shaking and nodded, letting Maren pull her out towards the center of the ice. Then Maren let go of one of her hands and they twirled around the ice together. Elsa gripped Maren’s hand tightly and then pulled them close. Maren stole a kiss, then lifted their joined hands up and spun Elsa around like they were ballroom dancing. Then she swung her out and they spun to and fro across the ice.

Gradually, the pounding in her head stopped. Gradually, the fear and trembling eased. Gradually, Elsa started to have fun again, losing herself in a dance with Honeymaren. It was the most natural thing in the world, moving with her on the ice. They were a shared center of gravity, two heavenly bodies orbiting each other. Elsa let the trust she had in Honeymaren guide her across the ice. They danced, and they danced, and they danced.

Finally, they came to a stop and Maren pulled Elsa against her. Elsa gazed down at her. “Okay. _Now_ I’m fine. I think you’re right and I’m doing too much too fast. I just … “

“You want to rush and be ready for meeting your new coach.”

“No,” Elsa shook her head. “Not just that. I know what I was capable of and the idea that I’m not there yet is frustrating.”

“Thinking like that is just going to make you disappointed,” Maren pointed out. She squeezed Elsa’s hand. “Let's have lunch, then why don’t we come back later or tomorrow and goof around a little more. Look at it as … getting your ice legs back under you.”

It was sound advice, and part of Elsa hated it. But she nodded in agreement. “Okay. I’ll follow your lead.” She managed a smile, “I _was_ having fun…”

**❄️**

Elsa wished she could say the next couple of weeks slipped by unnoticed, but that wouldn’t be true. Some days it was like pulling teeth, the hours stretching on as she pushed herself on the ice again and again.

It was usually the same; she’d be doing great right up until she tried to make a more complicated or dangerous jump and then she’d lose her focus and her ability to do anything but panic.

And then Honeymaren would be there, guiding her across the ice until she forgot about what she was afraid of and could enjoy herself again. Her therapist told her these feelings were normal but that didn’t make them any less _frustrating_. According to Dr. Quinzel, that was also normal too. 

Today, though, today things would be different, because she would finally meet Natalia in person. They’d spoken on the phone on several occasions, and she had a vague idea of what the woman looked like, but this was a big step.

Elsa could not let herself falter in front of her new coach if she hoped to keep her on as her coach. Or even if she hoped to at all maintain any level of self-respect. The more she failed the more it felt like she was tilting at windmills.

She bounced in place, then leaned against the rail, then bounced again as she waited for Natalia to show. 

“Elsa?” 

Turning, she spotted the tall woman approaching. Natalia had close-cropped, reddish-brown hair, and piercing green eyes. The lines on her face made her look severe and suddenly Elsa understood why Anna insisted Logan was some kind of spy. “Miss--”

“Please, call me Natalia. Or Nat.” Nat waved her hand, her deep voice still carrying the barest accent of her native Russian. She didn’t offer Elsa her hand, though she inclined her head at her. “I am sorry that it has taken this long to meet with you in person, but I thought a few weeks of getting back on your feet before I throw you into the frying pan might do you some good.”

“I take it I’m getting scrambled today?” Elsa asked, half amused and half-terrified. 

Natalia smiled. “In order to get over your fears, you must face them.”

“I’m not afraid.”

“All the jumps you’ve been popping tell me a different story.” 

Elsa was taken aback. “I’m … sorry what?” 

Her coach pointed to a section of the arena, “I have been here, every day. I wanted to see how you skate without pressure. And you are among the most beautiful ice dancers I’ve ever seen. But you are afraid of the harder jumps.”

“I’m not afraid,” Elsa insisted, even though she was and was still reeling from Natalia’s revelation. She was in fact terrified and refused to admit it.

“Then show me you are not afraid.”

Elsa looked out onto the ice, then back to Nat, before nodding once and preparing herself to skate. It wasn’t long before she was skating out to the center of the rink, weaving around on the ice until she felt warmed up enough for jumps.

And like the first day, and the second, and every day since, she landed the hops and the doubles, but as soon as she tried one of the triples something inside her froze up and the feel of ice impacting her head and her ankle twisting was all she could think about. 

After nearly ten popped jumps, Elsa heard Natalia calling her name and reluctantly skated over to her.

“Your form is good,” Natalia said. 

“But I can’t commit,” Elsa finished for her, following her off of the ice and taking a seat on one of the benches.

“Have you watched your fall?” Nat asked, bringing a laptop over and sitting down next to her.

“Yes. I mean, they played it on the news endlessly. “

“That is different. Beating yourself up for such a terrible accident is not constructive.” She flipped up the lid of the computer, “It’s stupid. Here. We watch, and you tell me what you see. We will face this fear together, da?”

Elsa wet her lips, but nodded. 

“First we will watch it a few times, then we will go through it frame by frame. But no sound. Your scream was most unpleasant.”

“I … I didn’t even know I screamed.” Elsa rubbed her palms on her knees as sweat beaded at the back of her neck. 

Natalia muted the computer as promised, before she hit play. Elsa forced herself to watch through the last thirty seconds of her Olympic performance; that perfect quad lutz and then the disastrous triple axel. Her stomach twisted up, but Natalia stopped the video shortly after the landing. 

“What did you see?”

Elsa blinked, then shook her head, “Shit. Sorry. Play it again.” And then again. And again.

The fourth time she was able to watch the whole time, and she looked closer, “Wait, go back. Replay when I pushed off on the axel.”

On the screen, Elsa kicked off with her right foot, but even before she’d gone airborne there was something obviously wrong. Natalia went back a few frames, and then advanced it frame by frame. Elsa pointed at her foot. “My skate was loose…you can see the wobble and I remember feeling wobbly when I started the jump.”

It meant she hadn’t gotten enough air to finish her axel and then when she’d tried to recover and land on that same foot it had ended badly. The tiniest possible mistake and one of the worst possible consequences.

“Da, that is what I am seeing too.”

So it really _was_ a freak accident. But Elsa pressed her palms into her stomach, “I _checked_ , Natalia, before I went onto the ice. I _always_ check, and Hans checked it too.”

“Your last coach? Slimey man, don’t like him.”

“You don’t know the half of it. But he was good at his job.” Elsa leaned back, rubbing her arms with her hands, “I might never know how it came loose, and the skate had to be cut off my foot so I doubt anyone was paying attention when it happened.”

That was going to drive her crazy.

“If you can accept that it was an accident, maybe you can accept that it is unlikely to happen again.”

“Tell that to my brain,” Elsa replied. She looked again at the video, frozen just after she’d gone airborne. She no longer felt sick looking at it, but part of her was still afraid.

“No more jumps today, but tomorrow we will start small.” Natalia patted her arm. “There is one more thing. May I have your permission to see the medical records?”

“Of course,” Elsa said. “But why?”

Natalia raised her finger, “There are three things we must address if you are to be able to compete again. Three parts of you that are required to succeed. The first is here.” She poked Elsa over the heart, “That, I think, is easiest. You want this, da?”

“Yes.”

“The second is here.” She tapped Elsa on the forehead, “That will be much harder. The heart is the passion the want and the desire. But if the head is not in it, you cannot compete. Are you seeing anyone?”

Elsa nodded, swallowing, “I have a therapist. She’s helped a lot, but…”

“How do you feel when you are skating?” Natalia smiled, “Not counting the popping.”

“I feel alive. I feel like I can take on the world. I feel like I’m _home_.”

“The head is where the fear is. Fear of failure, fear of being hurt again. Fear of trusting yourself. But that too we can overcome.” Natalia next pointed at Elsa’s ankle, “That is the third thing we must address.”

Her ankle? Elsa furrowed her brow, following the angle of Natalia’s finger. “The doctor said I could skate again. That I can compete.”

Natalia nodded thoughtfully. “Da. Good. I would like to look anyway.”

Something about Natalia’s tone bothered Elsa, and while she didn’t want to accuse Nat of anything (nor face what her fears were telling her), said, “You’re worried I won’t _physically_ be able to do the triples and quads I need to medal, aren’t you. Even if I can get over the mental block, I won’t be good enough to qualify for Nationals, let alone the Olympic team.”

Closing the laptop with a solid click, Natalia replied. “I will promise you this right now. If you listen to me, if you put your heart and your soul into this and if you are willing to trust me, I will get you to Worlds and then back to the Olympics. The medals, those will be up to you.”

It was a big promise, the kind of promise that could leave her shattered and heartbroken. But Natalia looked at her with a gentle and yet earnest expression. And so Elsa nodded, letting the spark of hope kindle in her chest. “Okay. I’m in.”

“Good! Ah, excellent, your Hockey lady is here.” Natalia stood, tucking the computer under her arm and waved at Honeymaren. “I think for the rest of the night, the two of you should skate together.”

“I’d like that.” More than anything about the past two weeks, skating with Maren had been the biggest thing to make her keep coming back, despite all her failures.

Smiling, Natalia turned back to Elsa, “Tell me something, little rabbit. What does it feel like to be together on the ice with her? I have watched and you are, how did that one movie say it? Drift compatible.”

Warmly smiling in response, Elsa looked past her coach and towards Honeymaren, “Natural. It feels as natural as breathing. My body responds to hers as though we inhabit the same space.”

“Hold onto that. It is something special.”


	6. Mirror

  
_Skating is in my heart, not my head_ ~~ Michelle Kwan

“ _Fuck_!” Elsa slapped her fists into her hips after landing, then picked up speed again. Double lutz, double axel, each one put a pit of fear in her stomach and yet she landed them. But when she tried for a triple, especially the axel, that pit of fear grew into a gaping chasm and she’d catch herself in an ungraceful and gangly landing.

Every single time without fail for the past three weeks.

And even with the support of her family, even with Natalia’s advice and suggestions, Elsa couldn’t get over that fear. Of landing wrong, of reliving the nightmare she’d experienced at the Olympics, of destroying her ability to do the thing she loved to do the most.

“Again!” Natalia called out.

Again, Elsa failed.

Fighting tears, Elsa skated off the ice and slid on the blade guards, before storming towards the locker room.

Natalia grabbed her arm, “Where are you going?”

“I can’t _do_ this.” Elsa shook her head, the tears starting to fall freely, “The only person who can catch me is myself and I don’t _trust_ myself! I’ll be lucky to qualify for _state_ let alone nationals. It’s over.”

“Perhaps you should let someone else do the catching.”

“What?” Elsa wiped at her eyes with a finger. Her mind hadn’t caught up with her emotions so she wasn’t entirely sure what Nat was getting at. 

“If you cannot catch yourself, then let someone else help you.” Nat swept her left arm out towards the ice, “Pairs. Skate with a partner. _Dance_ , Elsa, the way you were always meant to.”

“I’ve never done that before,” Elsa said, her feelings too complicated to pin down but something in her willing to listen. “I’ve never had to rely on someone else.”

“It’s hard, in a different way from skating alone. To be one with your partner, to share one mind and move together in a beautiful dance. But there will be someone to catch you.” Natalia squeezed Elsa’s arm and let go. “You made it to the Olympics on your own merit, little rabbit. You proved you could do that, you proved you could be one of the best skaters anyone has ever _seen_. You fell and you still _medaled_. Who has ever claimed that before? But there’s no shame in having support. And maybe, if you’re wanting to still compete, you should consider pairs.”

“I’d need a partner.” Elsa wrung her hands together. Who’d even be willing? She was a good skater but she was a damaged one, and she’d never done pairs skating before. The fundamentals might be the same but it would still be a lot different from what she was used to. More training, more practice. Would Maren be willing to stick around through that?

“You’ve already got one.”

“Pardon?” Elsa snapped out of her thoughts, “Who?”

Natalia grinned, “The girl you dance with nearly every night. I told you, you are as one.”

“Maren?” Elsa’s mouth hung open, “But … but she’s a hockey player, not a figure skater!”

“She makes you strong. You make her graceful. You will need both things.”

“Can two women even do pairs?”

Nat shrugged, “No rule that says you can’t.”

Folding her arms across herself, Elsa looked out across the ice. The idea was a sound one, she knew. Whether it was something mental or physical keeping her from competing solo, she couldn’t compete solo.

So, like Samwise in those walking movies, she could share the load with someone. Honeymaren could catch her when she jumped, and was strong enough to carry her for the longer and harder lifts. She was also, despite Nat’s comments, just as graceful as Elsa if not more so. How many times had they moved together on the ice, dancing just for fun?

Elsa sighed, “She might say no. She has her own life, and her own career. I can’t ask her to do that. When we started dating she didn’t sign on for this.”

She felt guilty enough about all the time she’d spent preparing for the Olympics, and for the time spent recovering. Maren had given _so_ much to her. Too much for her to ever possibly repay.

Asking Maren to sacrifice even more for her was out of the question.

“What’s the harm in asking her?”

“She’ll do it. Without question, she’ll drop everything and do it.”

Natalia regarded her curiously, “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

It was, wasn’t it? Elsa wanted Maren to choose something like this because it was something she wanted, not because it was something _Elsa_ wanted or needed. And she didn’t think that figure skating had ever been a dream of Maren’s. 

“Ask her.” Nat pulled out her phone and started to swipe through it, “Give her the _choice_. Let it be her choice to make, da?”

She held out the phone, a video playing. It was Elsa and Maren on the ice together. They moved as one, free and joyful. Maren spun Elsa around as they both laughed and Elsa finished with a flourish.

“The funny thing about dreams,” Nat said in a quiet voice. “Is sometimes you do not know you have one until you’re given the chance to see it.”

**❄️**

Elsa had been fidgety all day. Maren wondered if she was just upset about her performance on the ice. But she had no idea how to help Elsa through that part, except to continue to do what she had been doing. Support her, and make sure she still had fun skating.

But it was painfully obvious that Elsa’s head wasn’t in the game, at least not enough to be _competitive_. How could she tell that to her face, though? How could Maren take that thing that was so important from the woman she loved?

But it didn’t seem right to allow Elsa to keep _hoping_ , because if she was going to get crushed it would be better for that to happen sooner rather than later. Maybe she should talk to Anna and Kristoff first. See how they felt about it.

And maybe coming from the three of them it might be a little easier. Or harder, it was difficult to tell.

She spied Elsa skating over to her and put the thoughts aside for now, “Are you okay? You looked like you were having problems earlier.”

“I …” Elsa shrugged, then held her hand out to Maren, “Skate with me? There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Maren frowned, then followed Elsa onto the ice. An irrational part of her brain wondered if this was somehow a _them_ discussion, but she silenced that part so that Elsa could actually talk to her without her assuming the worst.

But that irrational part of her brain was very very convincing and by the time they reached the center of the ice Maren felt like a ball of anxiety.

“Follow my lead,” Elsa said. “Be my mirror.”

Before Maren had a chance to ask what she meant, Elsa had started to move, falling into a familiar pattern on the ice. So Maren followed her, even as she recognized the routine that Elsa was performing. It was one that Maren knew by heart, having watched Elsa practice it so much, and it didn’t really feel all that awkward to mimic her. Even if she hadn’t studied Elsa endlessly, even if she didn’t know her every move by heart, Maren thought that she would have been able to match her twist for twist and spin for spin.

They so frequently played around on the ice together that it was almost second nature. There was something _exhilarating_ about it, how they moved in unison. There was only the sound of their skates on ice and the pounding of her heart as she felt, rather than saw, everything that Elsa did and then matched it. 

They were like extensions of each other; not something like two halves of one whole, but complete beings. Complete and complementary to each other. _Enhanced_ and made better for it.

Elsa pulled her close once they’d come to a stop, kissing her fervently. Maren stroked her face, pulling back after a moment to smile dazedly at her. “That’s a talk?”

“Skate with me,” Elsa said. “ _Compete_ with me. I trust you not to let me fall.”

“Like … like in pairs?” Maren hadn’t expected that; it was something that had crossed her mind, but in an idle thought sort of way, to be immediately dismissed. “I’m not a figure skater, Elsa. I play _hockey_. I skate like a drunk goose.”

“I know, but you should have seen yourself just now. You’re a lot more graceful than you give yourself credit for.”

The thing was, Maren didn’t _feel_ graceful enough to figure skate. It wasn’t the same thing as playing hockey; hockey was _rougher_. She knew what Elsa did was just as hard, and just as rough on her body, but it was a different kind of rough.

Maybe it wasn’t really all that different, but she kept coming back to the skating like a drunk goose thing. “I’m not… I mean… It’s wonderful that you trust me like that, but I’ll only drag you down.”

Elsa took her hands, lifting them to her lips to kiss her knuckles. She looked like she wanted to say more to convince her, then thought better of it. “Just think about it, okay? There’s not a super rush, but Natalia will probably start breathing down my neck sooner or later to make a decision.”

“Was this her idea?”

“Mostly. I’ll be honest in that I’ve never really seen myself doing pairs, or even ice dancing. I always wanted to rely on myself.”

Maren squeezed Elsa’s hands, comprehending what she was clearly reluctant to spell out, and yet wanting Elsa to _tell_ her. “What’s the difference between ice dancing and pairs skating?”

“Ice dancing is more like…” She gestured at them, “ _Dancing_. Two bodies, doing something graceful and beautiful. There’s almost no jumping or lifting involved and in some ways it’s the hardest thing we could do. Pairs is the same as what I’ve always done, but with added stunts like lifts, and spinning me around while carrying me. So more acrobatic type moves than you see with ice dancing. Sometimes you’d literally be throwing me.”

She remembered watching pairs a few times. The idea of Elsa wrapping herself around her while she carried her was an enticing one.

“Dancing is more … creative. Spins, multi-rotation turns, some light lifting,” Elsa added. “We’ve already kind of been doing that. I mean, I could probably just dance on my own, they do those in singles, but I want to try pairs first and see if--”

“Elsa,” Maren raised her eyebrows, “is this something you want to do, or something you feel you _need_ to do to compete?”

Elsa swallowed, “Both?”

Maren relaxed, pulling Elsa into her arms and kissing the side of her face, “Tell me the truth, baby. It’s okay.”

“I don’t want to manipulate you into doing this, even on accident,” Elsa whispered. She slid her arms around Maren, lifting hands to her upper back and digging her fingers in. 

“I know. But I need to know everything if I’m going to make a choice, don’t I?”

Sighing, Elsa nodded against her, then straightened as she pulled back slightly. “I can’t do singles. Every time I try something more complicated than a simple spin or hop I freak out. Even with my therapist I just can't, I just go _back_ there and it feels exactly like that night and I can hear my bones--” Elsa exhaled, holding up a hand before Maren could say anything.

Maren kept quiet, giving her love the time she needed to finish what she was saying.

“I’m also worried I don’t have the strength for a triple or quad. Especially if I can’t _practice_ them.” Elsa sounded so _frustrated_ that it was like little daggers in Maren’s heart. 

“But with a partner, we can share the load. I can trust you to catch me and not let me fall. I can know you’re _there_ even when we’re going single jumps together. And maybe I won’t be able to compete like that _either_ , but I want to _try_.”

“Was that so hard?”

“Yes, actually.”

Smiling, Maren hugged Elsa. “I’ll think about it.”

“I know it’s a big ask.” Elsa seemed to be torn between clinging to her and trying to give her space, and ended up pulling away in the end. She casually leaned on the railing, though Maren could see how tightly she was gripping it. “You have your own career, your own life. Skating together is supposed to be fun, not work.”

“Sweetheart I don’t exactly get _paid_ very much. I have to have a day job too, remember?” There were many days where Maren felt like the professional hockey luster had worn off. She hadn’t felt _satisfied_ since even before Elsa’s accident, and returning to practice hadn’t really helped with that.

“But it’s something you love,” Elsa pointed out. “I don’t want to take that from you.”

_Elsa’s_ dream was very clearly on the verge of toppling over a cliff and no matter how much Elsa tried to downplay it, Maren knew that’s exactly what it was.

**❄️**

Anxiety was like a little goblin in the back of Elsa’s mind, telling her all the ways in which she’d fucked up. Between it telling her that she was going to force Maren into something she didn’t actually want to do, and it telling her that Maren didn’t want to do it and was upset with her for even bringing it up, it was a miracle Elsa got any sleep.

She’d just lay there awake, Maren sleeping peacefully next to her while her mind took her on a whirlwind of scenarios, none of them with a good ending.

But that was a her problem, and not a Maren problem and Elsa knew it. She knew she needed to give Maren the space she needed to make an educated decision, and she knew that Maren still loved her and all that, at least, would be okay. Probably.

But that damn goblin.

It was really loud today, and so she nearly jumped out of her skin when Kristoff put a big hand on the table next to her untouched oatmeal and asked, “Grab your your stick, we’re going shooting.”

“What?” She looked at him, his face swimming into focus.

“We’re going to shoot some balls into a net,” he explained patiently.

“I know what you meant, but why?”

He shook his head. “Stick. And finish your oatmeal.”

And then as suddenly as he appeared, he was gone. But his coaching voice was a hard voice to ignore, so Elsa scarfed down her oatmeal and got up to get dressed. It was warm out, so she picked a pair of shorts and a tank top.

Anna and Honeymaren were already at work and Elsa didn’t even remember them leaving, which told her a lot about her mental state. Maybe Kristoff had a good point and she needed to do something to keep her mind off of things. She was actually ready by the time Kristoff knocked on her door, and she nearly smacked him in the head with her hockey stick as she came out of her bedroom.

Dark blue, with sparkling glitter embedded in the paint, It had been a gift from Honeymaren, and frankly she loved it. “So we’re not going to the rink?”

“Nah, for this I figure we can hit the park,” He grinned at her. “Just shoot.”

“Mm.” Elsa nodded, “Most goals buys lunch?”

“Deal.” Kristoff took the stick from her and put it in the bed of his truck with his own stick and the net, then climbed into the cab and unlocked the other door for her while Sven leapt into the bed and made himself comfortable inside the net. The blue pickup truck was almost as old as Anna’s beater, and almost as beat up, too, but he took good care of it and Elsa suspected it would keep on going long after Anna’s car finally gave up the ghost.

Elsa rubbed her palms over her knees and wondering what her own dreams had already cost the people she loved. When she’d first started out, she’d taken side jobs a lot like Anna did. When she’d gotten better, her prize money helped pay for her training while also taking some of the pressure off of her sister, but she’d still taken a few side jobs here and there; mostly performances like Disney on Ice, which _had_ been pretty fun. She might have to take that up again just to pay for her coach, at least, and it was an option if she could no longer compete.

Just thinking it through reassured her that monetarily she wasn’t screwing her sister over. 

“You okay over there?”

“Huh? Oh.” Elsa looked out the window as they drove, “Just reminding myself that I’m not actually a drain on you guys. But I’m going to need to either get back into winning competitions or find a side job before my savings run out.”

“Disney on Ice again?” Kristoff asked. “I remember how much you enjoyed that. You’ve always been way into plays and music and dancing. It’s what makes you such a good skater. You, like me, were born on the ice.”

“Maybe. Or something similar.” Elsa wondered if she could just put on ice shows of some kind. The idea was very appealing to her. It made her wonder if maybe she was focusing too much on the technical aspects of figure skating and not enough on the artistry.

“I know that look.” Kristoff glanced over at her, “Stop overthinking things. Some shooting will do you some good, I think. We can take your emotions out on some balls.”

Choosing to bow to his superior suggestion, Elsa simply nodded and tried to force her thoughts to go into other directions. Like how she was going to outscore Kristoff, a feat she’d never _actually_ accomplished before.

Once they’d reached the park, Elsa took Sven for a walk about while Kristoff got the net set up. It let her keep her mind mostly blank for several minutes as she alternately chased after or got chased by the shaggy monstrosity.

Elsa had never had a dog, and Sven was like the next best thing. Kristoff loved him and he’d quickly earned a place in both her and Anna’s hearts. Even if he was exhausting at times.

“You know,” She said, returning to Kristoff with Sven in tow. “Wiping me out by taking care of the dog is cheating.”

“You had fun and you know it.”

“Shut up.” She smacked him in the arm, then picked up her stick. Using it, she bounced a ball up into the air and then continued to bounce the ball. Sven stared at her with an enraptured expression and she flung the ball into the air and then hit it with a full swing of the hockey stick. It soared off like a baseball, Sven charging after it like a runaway and very heavy tank.

“That’ll keep him busy for like three whole minutes,” Kristoff said, shielding his eyes and whistling. “Sure you shouldn’t have gone into baseball?”

“Anna’s the power house remember?” She shouldered the stick and followed Kristoff to the area he’d marked off for them to do their shootout.

“Well. Yeah.” He grinned stupidly, then shook his head to clear it, “Okay, so the goal is to get as many balls into the net as possible in one minute.”

“Not going to play the goalie?”

“Nope, just going for accuracy here.” He clapped her on the back.

Elsa started to line up the balls, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

_Thwack_!! One of the balls went sailing a little wide, bouncing off of the edge of the net. Sven appeared as if out of nowhere to chase it down for her. “What would you say if I decided to try to compete as an ice dancer? Instead of doing all the complicated jumps I used to be good at.”

Kristoff watched as she hit the next ball into the net, folding his arms and tapping his chin thoughtfully, “I’d say that you should do what you’ll _enjoy_. Have fun with it.”

“The jumps _were_ fun,” Elsa said. Her third shot glanced off the pole but still went into the net. She took a few seconds to try to aim better. “Now, they’re just … they feel like jumping off a building without a net to catch me.”

“Honeymaren could be that net,” He pointed out. “And thank you, by the way, for _not_ asking me.”

“Kristoff honey, you trying to figure skate would be like putting a reindeer on roller skates.”

He threw his head back and laughed, and Elsa missed her fourth and fifth shots. “Ten seconds!”

The sixth shot went into the net, and Elsa hit the seventh ball at the last moment. It sailed high and went kersplunk into a nearby pond. Thankfully for the both of them, Sven didn’t go chasing _that_ one.

“So what you’re implying,” Kristoff said, as he moved past Elsa to set his own balls down. “Is a reindeer could actually play hockey.”

“You could train one,” Elsa suggested. She caught the stopwatch that Kristoff threw her, and then pressed it. “Go!”

Her voice had barely faded before Kristoff had two balls in the net. By the time his minute was up, he had 30 balls in the net and ten scattered around the field, blowing Elsa’s 3 and 4 out of the water. 

“How’s that?” he asked.

“That’s what happens when you let me talk instead of shoot.” But she felt better, and she’d also come to a decision.

Whether or not Maren accepted her offer, she would ice dance. Even if Maren did, and they skated pairs together, she would still ice dance solo. 

But maybe, and this was a _big_ maybe, she and Mare could dance across that ice together.

Because she never had as much fun or felt so much alive as when she and Maren were together, sailing across the ice.


End file.
